Wednesday, July 4, 2007

What happens in Vegas... ends up in a blog

Lyle and I walked into Seamless, a gentlemen's club of somewhat acceptable repute on Arville Street. My eyes barely had a chance to adjust to the dim lighting before a large Amazonian woman with startlingly strong hands appeared from the darkness and began stroking my back. I had planned to sit at the bar and get my bearings for a few minutes, but with so few people in the room, the strippers seemed to circle us like vultures.

It reminded me of my days in Berlin when I would walk Oranienburgerstrasse at night, past all of the street prostitutes. Occasionally they might address me in a lighthearted and sexy tone, calling to me, "hey there little mouse." That's a term of endearment in German, I swear.

The prostitutes on Oranienburgerstrasse were actually quite cute, so you know it was a slow night if they started talking to me. These beauty queens stood all night long, alone on the street even in the middle of winter, without even the benefit of a small window or doorway like their Dutch counterparts. It could break your heart sometimes.

The Amazon woman standing at the bar with me, however, was more apt to break my lap. I was more scared of her than I was turned on.

"I'm Phoenix," Amazon Woman said as she tried to daintily grasp my hand, but not quite succeeding.

Of course you are.

Before going in, Lyle and I had agreed on fake names. He would be Frank Castle.

"I'm Bruce," I replied, probably letting my voice crack a little.

It took awhile and a few beers to loosen up, by which point the place had filled up a bit.

"A lot more guys now," shouted Lyle.

"Yeah, competition's getting stiff," I shouted back.

"Tell me about it."

What follows is best left to the reader's imagination, though we did make it out of there by 8pm to catch "Transformers." Walking into the movie theater, I told Lyle, "I smell like stripper."

"Dude, smell your hands," he told me.

I did. I sighed.

"Dammit this city is melting my soul."


Dad said...

All I remember from Vegas (other than Mom and I lost a combined total of 50 cents in slot machines) was that everyone and everything pretended to be someone or something else. A phony Italian setting at one casino, a copy of the Statue of Liberty, Elvis impersonators, Beatles impersonators, Sinatra impersonators, and more. The only non-impersonator was Wayne Newton and who would want to impersonate him?

Fortunately no ersatz Bavarian villages.

All that phoniness and it's brutally hot in the summer to boot.

Not my kind of town. I was just as happy being at the Windsor Avenue Block Party.

Kerri- Silkkat813 said...

What... no review of the movie? Be sure to try to get of hold of my friend Oscar while you are in Vegas. He is linked to me on CSing and he works at a hotel pool bar. He can hook you up with drinks. Have a great trip!


48statebus said...

How'd you like the Transformers movie? I've seen it twice already...that new Camaro is definitely my next car, too bad I've got to wait another year and a half before they even start making them!

Scotticus said...

That's hilarious. I write an entry about a strip club and you guys ask me how the movie was.

I think by summer's end it will be seen as the best blockbuster of the season. Which unfortunately means we'll have about 16 sequels.