Lexington, Kentucky

The sign welcoming me into Kentucky advertised the place as the birthplace of Lincoln, almost like a big "Put that in your pipe and smoke it, Illinois!"

I pulled into Lexington tired and utterly bewildered. I'd never been to Kentucky before, and suddenly here I was, alone, and with the added pleasure of having no place to stay. I drove around downtown Lexington, which took all of three minutes, drove the wrong way down a one way street, and swung into the nearest parking space when I realized my mistake. Saw this sign next to my car:

Coincidence? I think not.

I was now getting antsy as to how I was going to kill all this time before heading out in the morning. I walked into a Starbucks and asked the girl what there is to do for fun around here.

"Have you tried the Mary Todd Lincoln house?"

Of course she didn't say that. She instead told me there is nothing to do in Lexington. Being a college town, the place all but shuts down during the summer, and aside from your average horse enthusiast, tourists don't make a habit of stopping here.

Realizing I needed food like Paris Hilton needs a punch in the kidneys, I stopped into a local pub and ordered a burger. When I finished it was still only eight o'clock. Suddenly I had an idea.

"Can I get you another drink?" the bartender asked.

"I'll take one bourbon, one scotch and one beer."

I've always wanted to do that.

After walking around town for a bit, I returned to my car, brushed my teeth using a nalgene full of water, and fell alseep in my car under the watchful eye of crazy old Mrs. Lincoln.